i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
