woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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