I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have demons in me.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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