That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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