so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
