Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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