I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
