UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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