Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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