if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
