I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
