Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
