if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Buhtt sex?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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