I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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