We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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