I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He passed out mid-signature
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
