just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
