All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
