Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
