i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
