STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
a search helicopter?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
