Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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