How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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