May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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