I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
