I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
