The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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