it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
