mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
