i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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