I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
