Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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