I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
