I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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