He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
