eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
