got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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