He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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