every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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