I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
