Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
