What a fucking waste of an outfit
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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