what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
