my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
