oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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