Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
