dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
