why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
