it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
