Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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