Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
