Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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