my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
