I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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