He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
