my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
