How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we're making bets on your personal life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
