watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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