Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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