I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just high enough for therapy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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