you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
