So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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