You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
