It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize