I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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