i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
