So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
