you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize