Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
