He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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