batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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