And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
