I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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