oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
