Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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