the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
