I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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